Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
