Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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