i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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