So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
