I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
