If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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