Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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