Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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