Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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