I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
is that a dick in a sweater?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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