Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
