i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
