I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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