His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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