I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
