Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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