RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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