yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
