Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize