i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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