are you still at the devil's house?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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