My room smells like vodka and shame
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Is it because I queefed?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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