how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
