I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize