Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
