woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize