I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
is it fun? or sober?
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