She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
