Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
