There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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