Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
