trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
