Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
