i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i think im in europe. pls send help
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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