how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
