Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
