whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
