these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
