I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
