i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
