You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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