Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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