he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
