I need help removing her.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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