How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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