True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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