I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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