wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
