did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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