So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
