Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize