How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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