His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Congratulations! We have a period
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
