Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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