How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
