He asked to "fluff my boner.."
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
