Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
