the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
