Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
