i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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