i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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