Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
