soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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