all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
