Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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