Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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