I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
