Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
