I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
well you can't waste a boner
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I party with great urgency now.
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