Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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