where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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