i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
YAS. BRING CRAB.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
