the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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