She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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