If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
