I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just want nice things and good sex
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize