So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Panties = found
Randomize
