we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
