So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
