I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize