I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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