I will die if light touches me.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My bed smells like the plague
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
