we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
