well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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