the condom got lost in my hair
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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