hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
