Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
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