Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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