Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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