I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
