Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
