it's too hot outside to masturbate.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I need to align my fucking chakras
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
