i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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