shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
