I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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