I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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