So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
