He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
