I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
