Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
