I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
