So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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