I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
