and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
